Confused...

Some may say my mind is wondering due to lack of sleep, but that blank stare on my face is more of a result of being unclear what or who to believe. My husband and I found ourselves reflecting on Judas this morning at breakfast, him because of the sermon he heard yesterday and me because I felt like Judas or maybe I felt betrayed...not completly sure but one thing I am sure about and that is that I am confused.

Call me simple but I am one of those people who believe what you are saying until you give me a reason not too. Chris, my husband reflected on how Jesus had a small amount of hope that maybe Judas would choose "life" when he said, pleaded with him not to do what he was about to do. Not because Jesus was afraid to die but because He knew what would happen to Judas and He still loved Judas.

I find myself wondering..."why is it so hard to except the truth or be honest with others." We fear rejection so we make ourselves the victim? We have been dishonest for so long that we don't know how to go back and change it or we begin to believe our own lies? Are we truly unaware of the harm we are doing to ourselves and those around us or do we not care anymore as long as come out on top.

Once again I am stuck on Philippians 2 verse 3&4: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.
It's pretty clear in my mind, each day it is a challenge to take our feelings, emotions, and wants out of the equation and do what is right for the sake of those we love NOT ourselves. I believe if we are able to do this we too will be fulfilled and the Lord glorified. But if we are battling for our wants and needs only, I have to think that He is then protecting those we are hurting in the process of not trusting Him.

No conclusion today just a pondering thought......

It been a while since my last post and as you can see the boys are growing and busy! I have been trying to figure out how to muddle through my feeling and thoughts that are constantly coming at me and so today I decided that I am going to start posting more often if for nothing else just to get my thoughts out of my head in order to make room for the new ones.

Today I found myself discouraged and frustrated at what seems to be a brick wall time and time again called "Ministry" As a Children's Director I find myself constantly trying to please the parents that I work with and hopefully assist them in their efforts to guide their children through their faith. At times it is very positive but a lot of the time I feel like a hamster on a wheel screaming to get off. So this morning I began to think "Lord maybe I am not worthy of this position. Maybe it is time for me to move on and let someone more suitable step in." ...As I sat on my pity pot I began to realize that maybe just maybe this is the way it is. The Lord does not sit on a pity pot but he sure does continue to give what we ask and then what happens...We want something else. What seem perfect on Monday becomes boring by Friday. I am no better than the next when it comes to my request of the Lord. Whether they are voiced or not I am always thinking of what's next.

My conclusion. Press forward with love. All I can do is follow the Lord and be an isterment in the time he chooses not in my time. Philippians 2:1-4: If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.