New every morning

Do you ever wish you could have the perceptive of a young child learning new things again. It was not that long ago that learning new things was exciting and the greatest thing to do! It seems as we get older learning new things becomes a burden or something we avoid at all cost. Judah is almost 3 and for the past month he has been taking swimming lessons. I love to watch him as he enters the water excited to learn and practice his new skill. He giggles the whole time and as I watch him I see him challenge himself to take the next step even if he is not sure what will happen.

These past couple of days Bryce is learning how to walk and has been walking behind a toy that my parents purchased for Judah when he was beginning to walk. The first day he was a little wobbly and would take one step at a time looking behind or to the side to see that I am still there to catch him. Now two days later he doe it by himself. turns it, goes as fast as he can, then turns it again. Determination? Not really I think it is just a pure joy to learn. They are sponges and look at learn as something enjoyable and fun!

I myself do not always approach learning this way any longer in my life...I tend to become fearful of the pain the learning my cause or the humiliation I may feel in the midst. I find myself constantly looking back or to the side to see if my Heavenly Father is there to catch me. "Lord are you sure about this?" "Could I do it an easier and faster way?"...."Or maybe you could just do it for me and I'll watch." "No." is the simple response...He wants me to learn. He wants me to get excited about the new skill he is going to teach me so that I may walk forward with the confidence of His success and glory. Will I fall? Maybe but he will help me up. Will it hurt? Possibly but he will bandage and comfort me through the pain. Will I fail? No as long as He is the one leading the way. For my Father does not wish to hurt me or cause me to fail but to lift me up on wings like eagles. Learning is for the glory of the Lord. Learning gives us hope, peace of mind, and a joyful heart...

...we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:18-19

April 21st, bitter sweet.......

When I reflect on today I am amazed at all the changes in the past year. My belly no longer has an 8lbs baby swimming in it, my son Judah can have a full conversation with really words, we don't live in the same house, and I have not spoken with Erika in a year. I remember last April 21st very clearly because it was the day I had my last conversation with Erika before we were hurried back into the duties of motherhood.

Erika had been struggling to potty train Andrew and I had been struggling to get Judah to sleep in his bed. She would share her thoughts and I would share mine. But what I remember most was the way the conversation ended. She had purchased a new game for Andrew and was telling me how she was unaware that she would have to do the motions of the game. "It's like Simon Says" she explained and oh how we giggled at what was about to take place. Andrew was so excited to play and so of course we ended what was a normal 40-60minute conversation at about 20. "I'll call you later, have fun." I told her and as I hung up the phone I thought to myself, "she is such a great mom. I need to be more like that with Judah"

The week grow busier and busier and I was unable to call her back. She knew that Friday I had a church event that would entail me doing hair and nails. The whole time I kept thinking I have to call Erika she will never believe this! But I never had another conversation with her. Oh how I wished I would have told her what an awesome mom she was and how much I loved her. Things I never got to say but have now learned from. I have take Erika's example of motherhood and tried to play with my boys. I look at Bryce each day and see the joy in his face, joy she never got to see in my presence but I pray got to see before me. I remember in January of 2009 when I called her and told her "Erika I am having another boy and no one but me is excited." her response "I am excited for you Leah you will love it." I don't know how I got so lucky but I did she was amazing and still is.

It is my hope and prayer that I never leave the memory of her behind that my boys will know her by my stories but also by the love she has taught me. God gives us such a special gift in the ones He chooses to put in our lives and there is no time for bitterness just understanding. You may not always agree with others and your children may drive you nuts on some days but be thankful they are here and you have another day to fix your behavior from the day before. My kids may sleep on my head right now and Judah may be struggling with potty training but I am still here to walk through today with him and today more than others, I am reminded to be grateful for everything today bring because "This is the Day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it."

Thank you Erika...