God's Little Surprises...

Many times when you loose someone you find things that remind you of them because you are looking for anything that will help you to hold on to the memory of the one you loved. I think other times those things are put there from the Lord to let you know that person is still there in the times when you need it most. My little reminder is my son Bryce. From the day he was born the Lord helped me through a very dark time by giving my baby a smile with deep set dimples that reminded me of my friend every time he smiled. He was tender and content, a personality that I did not recognize in myself or husband. He was just his own little person yet I know God was using him to move me along day after day. As time has gone on I still treasure that smile but I don't think of it in the same way. Now I just see my little boy who is FULL of life. But once again I found myself reflecting last night as I walked into his room and saw him sitting there looking at books. Bryce and I read before bed, but Bryce LOVES books. At 16 months he will sit and look at books for up to 20 minutes. There where times when at about 9 months I would see him crawl up stairs, get a book and head back down to read it. Last night as I watched in love with this little man, I realized again how much I love that Bryce loved books because Erika loved to read. I admired her for her love for books. I loved her smile and her contagious laugh. Three things that I now see in Bryce. Although Erika and Bryce have no biological connection I cannot help but realize it is not by coincidence that my son has dimples, a contagious laugh, and loves books. Nope, God is too big for coincidence folks. He knew how much I would miss my friend on a daily bases but she could not stay here. So instead without me realizing it he gave my son the reminders that would warm my heart every time I recognized them. I am sure that someday I will look at these attributes as I did his smile over time, they will just be parts of Bryce, but I know that for the rest of my life I will be reminded of a the great friend God gave me for a short time and I will forever treasure Bryce in a very special way because of it. I wonder about the Disciples this morning. How they must have missed their friend and even though He returned for a short while before rejoining His father, they still did not get to physically see Him anymore. I wonder what things He left behind? Did Jesus have a contagious laugh? An infectious smile? What little things did He leave behind? Don't just go through life without realizing all the glory God has. He does not just rule from up above or through the bible. He is real and His presence is real. It will surprise you what he has done if you just take the time to recognize it in the small ways. Just as God is never gone, the ones we love never are either. They live on in the little ways God leaves behind....

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3

No matter how many tears I may shed or lonely moments I may go through in this life, I am glad it is not the end. There is a BIG house and my friend is there.

Amazed

Do you ever just stop and day dream? Reminisce about how your life has turned out? I do all the time. I wonder sometimes if I had changed one decision what would have happened instead? Where would I be? Would I have still met my husband? Would I still have 2 boys or would I have had 2 girls? Silly questions to most but for me, it keeps me in check and grateful for each step. We may not always make the best decisions all the time but isn't it amazing how God makes beautiful even the choices we think were wrong. Maybe that's the biggest part of the mystery. Maybe there are times when God takes complete control without us knowing it because we are so wrapped up in the frustrating circumstances. This weekend our car broke down and had to be towed. I took the boys home in our other car and got lunch for them before heading to the dealership to pick up Chris. The boys of course did not want to get back in the car after being stuck for an hour and therefore gave me a difficult time getting them back in the car. I was frustrated thinking I was late and just wanted to get going! On the way to picking up my husband I witnessed a head on collision right in front of me. Literally two cars before and I would have been the one hit. If my sons had not given me a hard time we would have been right there. Reality check. Each step is orchestrated by the one who put us here and all for our own good and His glory. Sometimes I forget how 5 minutes can change the course of a life. Or one different decision. I find myself grateful for all the circumstances I have had in my life, even the painful ones. Because the truth is I want to know that the Lord is in CONTROL not me. I still day dream and I still wonder but only because it reminds me of the wonderful life He has given me.

A Gentle Reminder

This morning at 4:52am my son with the help of our Heavenly Father woke me. Bryce had his normal morning cuddle and then fell back asleep about 10 minutes later. I then got out of bed and made breakfast and lunch as I have done so often in the past and then had the privilege of sitting, praying, reading, and talking with my husband for about 35 minutes before he had to leave for work. As many may have guessed my day already started better than it has for the past 4 months. See Chris and I made a commitment last year to rise each morning at 5am and meet together with the Lord before starting our day. It gave us a chance to communicate on an adult level without or kids as well as start our day with the one who determines each step our day will take. But for the past 4 months I have not gotten up on a constant bases and when I have we have just sat, eaten, and gone our separate ways. My days have felt empty and unproductive, my attitude has been far from joyful and many times I felt like my husband lived in a far off country. The breaking point came this week when I fell flat on my face Monday morning. I received some news about one of our kids from church and just felt like I had completely failed each and every one of these kids. "They can't see God through me" I thought and then I fell on my face and prayed. Not that God would do take this burden away, not that he would make my life less stressful or painful, no all I prayed was "Lord let me serve you, I want to know that I am serving you." Inmmediatly Ge reminded me that I was not their Savior, Jesus already came. And my job is to serve the Lord and let him do the rest. Each day from this point God has been reminding me that in order for Him to work through me I have to be ready and make room for him inside. I have to take that time and focus on him in all aspects. I have to spiritually serve my family not just physically serve them. So this morning while using my 16 month son as His vessel the Lord invited me to join Him in my day. I am so grateful that He is always ready when we call, the challenge is being ready when He calls. That is when we truly see the joy He has for us....Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2Corinthians 5:17

Fall or Christmas???

Fall is in full swing here at the Calvin house, the decorations are out, the air is cool, and the runny noses are here. I couldn't help but notice last night as we were out with our boys picking out pumpkins that the Christmas decorations are out! Now I am not complaining, I LOVE Christmas but....I am not ready just yet to set my eyes on the Christmas Season. I enjoy the harvest season with pumpkins and hay bails. But I must say it has me thinking about the importance of Christmas and why we celebrate. The interesting thing to me is that Christmas trees and lights, Large blown up Santa Clauses and snowmen have nothing to do with the really reason we have Christmas or do they? I wonder what we have made Christmas to be. Is it really about celebrating the birth of Christ or is it about feeling warm and jolly inside. I love to bake and give goodies during the holidays and I love to walk and see all the Christmas lights and decorations the near by neighborhoods have prepared, but I must be honest, it is not because it reminds me of Jesus. I enjoy those things because of the warm and fuzzy feeling I receive and the innocents it reminds me of. I want to challenge myself this year to find Christ in all we do as a family during the holidays this year and especially during Christmas. I do believe the Lord finds joy in us when we find joy in what he has given. I enjoy my children and their faces when they see all the lights and decorations. I enjoy the time together as we find, and decorate our Christmas tree. I don't want to be focused so much on the acts of Christmas this year but more the importance of Christmas. I want to reflect on Jesus and the great sacrifice he became as a small innocent babe that first Christmas day. Christmas is a time to remember that we really should celebrate each day with Jesus. So that is my challenge to myself this year. A lot of hand made gifts I do believe and love given in each activity this Christmas season.

Who Knew?

Most often my posts are centered on my experiences as a mother trying to raise two boys in the ways of the Lord all the while learning more about myself, but today I have prepared a little something different. Tomorrow my wonderful husband will turn 31 and last night as I was sitting next to him I began to reminisce about the first time he kissed me! (Now calm down this will remain clean, just follow me for a second.) Chris and I met when we were both 25 when my roommate Teresa invited him over for a game night. According to my husband, one look and he was hooked but it was not so easy for me. I lingered on the outside for about 2 months after that meeting holding him a little further than arms length away. I even told Teresa to "never bring him back" to our house again. At the time I was convinced I was not interested. Men were to much work and I was content with the Lord and my nephews being the only men in my life for the rest of it. I had been asked out more in the month that I met Chris then ever before in my life but continued to turn all of them down for the simple fact that I was content and did not need a man to "mess" it up. But Chris would not vanish. One January night I was at Youth Group in Flip Flops and board shorts when I got called into work. There I stood freezing to death making coffee when who shows up, you guessed it Mr. Christofer Calvin himself. He looked me up and down with a puzzled look on his face and then asked "been at the beach lately?" I laughed and said "it's a long story, I was at youth group." Two hours later when I arrived home who was sitting in my living room but Chris Calvin. Houston we have a problem. For the next couple of weeks Chris and I would hang out here and there. He would ask me out to dinner, I would say no, we would end up eating dinner at my house as "friends" then one night all of that changed. Chris was involved with a college group called "the Well" it met on Thursday nights and he had invited me to join him which. Most of the time we would meet there and then part ways after but on a very STRANGE day (which is a whole other blog) we had dinner at my house and then walked to the Well. On the way home I began to wonder just how interested this guy really was? What would he do if I started acting like a child? So I started skipping...Chris began skipping. It was then I decided if he was going to make that big of an effort I would give him a chance. About 2 weeks later I was in my kitchen and we were trying to get out the door to go to a local concert at The Woods where I was managing. I was in a hurry knowing I needed to get there quickly reached into the fridge to grab a water and I felt a hand grab me I turned around and WAM BAM! Chris puts the moves on. I think it is safe to say that I was shocked! I still did not think that our relationship would go anywhere but Chris obviously had other plans. We began officially dating that evening and four months later I was Mrs. Christofer Calvin. I cannot tell you the day everything changed and I started looking at Chris as more than just a guy to date. I do not know the exact moment that I fell head over heels in love with him. But what I can tell you is God did it 100% because I did everything in my power to get him to go away. God kept him there and made him more and more interested the harder I pushed away. Now sitting here almost 6 years later I was examining this amazing man I get to call my husband. He has a few gray hairs that were not there before, a few wrinkles here and there but for the most part he is the same man just wiser and more content. As I sat there and reflected on the feelings that I had that first kiss, I realize how much deeper those fuzzy feelings now run. Many people may say the fire has faded but for me I think it is just deeper. It is no longer on the surface were everyone can see it but deep down to my toes where it has anchored it's self in my whole body. There it not one piece of me that does not love him. I am so grateful to the Lord for having a greater plan for my life then I did. Especially where Chris Calvin was concerned...

Just like Daddy

If I had to choose a phrase of the day I would have to pick "Just like Daddy". Judah says this multiple times through out the day as he compares himself and what he is doing on what seems like a hourly basis. One day as we were driving in the car he informed me.."Mommy I am going to be big just like Daddy! Not like a tree, but just like my Daddy!" He is so proud of his daddy. As a mother it warms my heart to know that God blessed our family with a Daddy worthy of acknowledgement. I watch both of my boys follow him around and beg for his attention when he gets home. As my sons and their father walked hand in hand across the lawn to visit Grandpa the other night, I watched from the porch with a twinkle in my eye. How priceless for me to watch the three men in my life so excited as they go and vist another man they we all love.

But on this breezy Sunday afternoon, Judah and Daddy went outside to clean up paper that our two dogs felt the need to dismantle, and you would of thought that Judah was on a scavenger hunt for candy. See I know it is not what he is looking for but who he is doing it with. Judah is so excited to spend time with his father even when it is for what most of us would consider a burdening task. I began wondering what my life would be like if I approach my relationship with my heavenly father like my 3 year old approaches it with his daddy. I suppose I would find joy in the tasks that otherwise I may look at as a burden. I would be grateful for the sleepless nights that I spend lying awake thinking about His ministry that he has given me to oversee. I would realize that I am NEVER alone and that even if I am the only person in the room his presence is there. See what I have come to realize is no task is boring with God only our attitude. We have a Father who is worthy of acknowledgement. A father who wants to pick up trash with us. A father who will sit and listen to us ramble about our day. A father who wants to be greeted with excitement each time we go to him. A Father who loves us enough to take us on the mundane adventures of life..... if our children do not watch us take joy in the hard times or the "boring" times they to will display our attitude through out their own lives. I know that Chris and I desire to point our children in the ways of the Lord that they will grow in him. The first step is being mindful of our example...I want to be just like Daddy.