Great Expectations

Sometime I forget that my son is only 3 and a half. Most of the time it is when he is misbehaving or talking back to me with words that he doesn't understand, but manage to push my buttons at just the wrong time. I may react as if talking to a teenager and then later on am reminded that he is 3. Other times I find myself frustrated with my youngest son who still at the age of 20 months does not seem to want to sleep through the night. I long for just one night that I can sleep for 6 hours without being interrupted at least once. Is that so much to expect!?

And then it is in those moments that our gentle Father whispers in my ear, "It is only for a short time Leah." A short time, yes what many times to me seems never ending is just a short time. Soon enough my son won't wake in the middle of the night for a gentle soothing cuddle. My oldest son will no longer nag my to come and sit with him for a while but rather to leave him in peace or stop embracing him with my hugs and kisses. Yes all to soon my sons will grow before my eyes into young men and then adult men. I love how the Lord reminds me that this time is short. I love that he reminds me on a very frequent basis because it keeps me close to my boys. It forces me to sit with my children even if it is for 15 minutes to watch a cartoon, or 3 hours in the middle of the night. It forces me to watch my sons dig holes in the back yard or play trains. It forces me to respond to their need and want to be near me. They want my time and affection and I am thankful to give it to them.

See all too soon our children head down their own path of life and for a lot of them it is sooner than we realize. If I don't capture these moments now and look at them as a gift of time rather than a burden, I will have nothing to hold onto when my 16 year old son talks back to me or begs me to drop him off 3 blocks from school. More than anything I pray that the time I invest as a parent now will result in them wanting me near until the end of time. But for now I will just be grateful for the moments I am given. And constantly remember to keep my expectations low and let me 3 year old be 3 without the expectation or desire for him to grow quickly. And to smile and hold my baby who is still just that, my baby, instead of wishing for him to sleep through the night. And thanking the Lord for reminding my heart to be grateful....

Got talent?

Do you ever wonder why the Lord has gifted you? Or do you just look at your abilities as natural talents? I hate to be the bare of bad news but there is no such thing as "natural talent". My husband and I were privileged to attend a conference this past week designated for Children's Pastors. We had just purchased a new curriculum for our church and really wanted to learn everything we could about how to make it most effective for our kids. They began listing different roles that would need to be filled each week and my husband and I began our check list "I can do that, Chris can do that, So and so can do that..." Then it hit me how fortunate we are to have the abilities to accomplish some of these tasks. Good thing we had the talent to do so. Or was that God's plan all along...

When I was 15 years old I had a revelation. I had been told for years how I was "wise beyond my years" how I "had a beautiful voice" how I was "so good with kids"... but at the age of 15 in the midst of a lot of darkness in my own I life, God revealed something to me that would change my life forever. I realized that my "talents" were not talents at all but really gifts from the Lord. And gifts that were to be used for his glory alone. After all if God was going to take me out of this darkness that I was living in, there had to be a great purpose than for myself. I decided that day that I would use these gifts for the Lord and that I would follow the plan HE had for me instead of the plan I had for myself. It has never steered me wrong but oh how I never dreamed of the places I would go. I would not say I have ever had a "mundane job" in my life. Even when I was serving coffee I worked for a strong Christian man who prayed before every meeting. I have worked for a Christian Camp that transformed my life and way of thinking for 5 years and now I am a Children's Director.

I would say outside of parenting, being a Children's Director has been the hardest, most draining, yet most transforming job I have ever had. There are times that I am so busy doing my "job" with others children that I give my own children a very limited amount of myself. I have found myself very frustrated with that for the past 6 months trying to figure out how to simplify my "job" to have time for my kids. Then this weekend I realized my approach is wrong. This is not my "job", it's my life. My husband, my children, and my "Kids" (as Judah my 3 year old calls them). We are all one package. Yes we find ourselves tired and tried but it is for the glory of God that we march forward. Every single one of those gifts the Lord gave me at a young age are being utilized right now. The desire that my husband has had to coach, to teach, and to love the game of soccer, being utilized right now. See I have been looking at my life as if I was in a holding pattern, just getting by till the next stage. Wake up call! There is no next stage THIS IS IT!!! Get on board because this is the Lord and He is at work.

So if you have a "talent" I am here to burst your bubble. YOUR NOT TALENTED, YOU ARE GIFTED BY THE LORD. How are you serving him with your gift? After all it is for his glory so why not give it back to Him and see what he does with it.

Peace

Recently I have received a lot of news of others going through hard times. Some of them friends, some acquaintances, and still others family. I don't feel that I have ever been the person with the "right thing to say", so a lot of times I find myself listening in disbelief, and surprise of the things I am hearing. Then I am always in deep thought after the conversation processing all of the information I have been told. Over Christmas I heard of a couple who lost their little girl 5 days before Christmas, and of a family member who is facing the loss of all they have. I began to wonder what would I do? Where would I go? How would I handle the great loss these people are experiencing. The answer, I have no idea. I am not sure how I would react emotionally but one thing that did come clear to me was my overwhelming peace in the Lord. I began to think back on the things I have experienced in life and what my reaction was at the time. At times I felt anger, sadness, and as if I were living a serial life, but at no time did I doubt the Lord and his plan. In fact through all of it I knew He was there. I knew that He had a plan and it was greater than what I could see or feel. I would ask him questions to seek guidance from Him. I would even lay there sometimes with my eyes closed and imagine my head in his lap. The overwhelming peace of the Lord is a real thing. It is something that no one can explain. You truly have to experience it to know it's greatness. I am so thankful that my heart is grounded in the Lord. I do not always feel like a deserving or worthy individual but the Lord always takes my hand. I know that sometimes I seem like a tantruming child but the Lord always holds me close. Life is uncertain and life is painful but the peace of the Lord is unmeasurable. I was watching the clouds cover the sun and I thought "Even in the darkness of life He is bright" Elton John sings "don't let the sun go down on me"....fear like that is only felt by those who serve the world. If you are a child of the Lord you can take refuge in the fact that even when the clouds come, it is still bright outside. I am thankful today for the peace in knowing the Lord and the peace that comes in trusting his great wisdom and love.