Cookies

With Easter quickly upon us I have begun to reflect on these last 36 days of lent. This year was the first year I gave something up. I have watched others in the past and in all reality said to myself "I don't need to give anything up God knows I love Him." I did not want to join the crowd and do it because that is what we do this time of year, but more wanted to do it only if I felt I was truly doing it for the Lord.

Well this year I felt like it was time for me to change and what better way to start then with sacrifice and what better time then lent. I gave up chocolate. Now some may think that is such a small thing but not in my world. It is that one piece of chocolate a day that really keeps me pleasant. And my husband and I every once in a while enjoy sharing a dessert which proved difficult when removing the element of chocolate.

The first week was hard and at the end I remember thinking I can't do this. But then the Lord began his lesson. A lesson that has continued for the last 36 days, and that last night hit it's point. Here we are 4 days till Easter and my husband really wanted some chocolate chip cookies. "You want me to go in the kitchen and make cookies I can't eat?!" I was not impressed but after about 20 minutes realized this was a simple way to serve my family that required a little self control and sacrifice on my part. So I made the cookies and the whole time I felt this pressure of temptation on my heart. "You made it this far, that's good enough." But no it wasn't as I was loading the cookies onto their trays I realized that was a small taste of the Jesus in the wilderness. Satan taunting him, trying to get him to fail. "You made it this far just do something small to claim your glory." But no Jesus did not budge. He stood firm and resisted any temptation that was thrown his way.

This season of Lent has taught me that this small sacrifice is nothing in comparisons to what Christ did for us but he is not asking for a crucifixion or for us to take the weight of the world. No he already did that. All he was requesting was a small amount of time to be spend in reflection of him. And each time I was tempted I felt like I would let him down if I fell to that temptation. A guilt that has motivated me to complete my 40 days. A time that has renewed my desire to learn what else the Lord is teaching. It has been a DIFFICULT time in our house the last month. It truly seems like just about everyday we have received some bad news but this house will stand firm and follow blindly to where the Lord leads no matter the difficulty thrown our way. This Easter season I am thankful that the Lord to time to remind me of His grace.

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?"..."Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matthew 26:40-41

Waiting

Many times in life we have found ourselves waiting on the Lord for his direction. Not always with the best patience but none the less waiting. Recently as a family we have been waiting to see where the Lord is taking Chris. Would he be at a new school this fall? Is there more work for him to do at his current school? I have been a Children's Director for the past 3.5 years and have recently found myself re-evaluating what the Lord is doing with me. Am I still effective in this role or am I just there because it's my job?

Yesterday I began my day with complete stress. It's tax time, and on top of that these two questions kept racing through my mind. The last thing I want to do is stand in the way of the person God has called to the role I am currently in, unless that person is me. I know it must sound confusing so just imagine how overwhelming it is to live in my brain right now! My husband is the same way. He wants to be teaching and leading a soccer program but only in the location God has set for him. OH MY it has been exhausting! But then yesterday I was reminded to wait. As I was running I heard "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. The words say: I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord and I am hopeful, I'm waiting on you Lord. Though it is painful, I will wait. I will move ahead more than confident taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting I will serve you, While I'm waiting I will worship...

It's a great song with very powerful words. It also talks about being peaceful, faithful, confident... I would have to say I have been less than peaceful, patient, faithful, obedient, not even that hopeful. I realize more and more as I serve in ministry that most of the time it is HARD. A lot of time there are so many things and others needs running through my brain that I forget to live the life God has chosen for me. The time I spend on my own requests compared to the requests of other is about 20/80. Not enough. Not that I should stop asking for others but more so, I need to wait on the Lord for the answers pertaining to my life as well, instead of just saying "I don't have time to wait I am too busy serving you so, answer ASAP...please.

Interestingly enough it does not work like that. So although we have no answers I will wait. I will be confident that the Lord will provide even if that means I need to move out of the role I am currently in. I will be hopeful that the feed back Chris has received will turn into an incredible opportunity for him. But most of all I will move ahead in obedience until I hear the Lord. I will not stop just because I may not be sure of the out come.

I would ask if you are willing to please join me in prayer for the Lord's direction.

Caution, Danger, Danger!

As many are aware my husband is a high school soccer coach and for 5 months out of the year we are immersed in the responsibilities of training, feeding, and supporting his team. Well last night marked the second to the last game of the season. This particular season the team has struggled due to the lack of experience of it's players. Although they have played their hearts out they just could not finish the job, until last night...

We were finally up 1 to 0 and the team had made it to the second half. With the big heart that he has my husband decided long before this game that he would play all of the players who had not had as much field time due to their lack of experience. "They have worked hard and deserve to have that experience" he explained. I was all warm and fuzzy thinking of what a great man he was and how much those boys were going to benefit from their chance to shine. Well, that theory went out the window for me with 25 minutes left in the game and a goal scored on us to tie up the game. The back-up keeper was in the box and although he was trying his hardest I did not feel that he was up to the challenge. My mother happen to be on the phone with me at the time and my youngest son bouncing on my knee, but when that ball hit the net, the phone went flying, the baby got handed off and out of my seat I went.

I stomped my way down the stands and headed to the field. I have NO IDEA what came over me except that I wanted this team to win so badly. These boys deserved that win! And I could not let anything get in the way of that, not even my husband. So I continued stomping my way around the track as my husband started whistling at me and pointing for me to sit down. But no I continued to ignore his cautions all the way around the field, I was going to fix this although I had no idea what I was going to say by the time I got there. Thankfully some how I came back to reality before I hit the bench. I was able to control my frustration, and my husband... he completely disregarded my craziness and the team went on to win the game 2-1. They all won that game despite my efforts to "fix" the problem.

I drove home after the game laughing at myself for the simple reason that I have NEVER done that and could not figure out what came over me. I just wanted those boys to win so badly, but so did their coach. His way took a lot more patients and risk than I was willing to take. His way included a much deeper lesson for his players. I wanted the secure hands down confirmation that we were going to win. He wanted his team to work together and gain the victory for each player.

I then realized this morning that in many ways that is our heavenly Father. There are times when I am stomping toward him and he is cautioning, "Sit down Leah I got this" "Just wait, have faith that I know what I am doing." "It will be okay just watch!" Yet I am still stomping... But when I do finally come to my senses I see that there was no reason for me to get up. In times when the Lord calls us to be be patient and wait that is what we must do. Even though we may not see the secure way for victory, he does just is a different light. He wants all parties to come to that victory together and give the glory back to him not just one individual. When we hear the caution as hard and submissive as it may be, we need to stop, turn around, and go back to our seat. The Lord knows what He is doing and we just need to watch as he does it.

Bryce

Some may know that I have been blessed to know MANY children through out the years and many of them stand out for their own reasons, but one in particular I credit for changing my life. On April 9th 1995 a very special boy was born to two very special parents. They would love this little boy and share him with many of us only to loose him 4 years later. Bryce Allen Fransen was an incredible little boy. Really wise beyond his years. He was a watcher and could look right through you. He had an infectious smile and laugh. And such a gentleness about him you could not help but love him. He loved to play and LOVED horses.

For me he was a small spark that ignited a huge fire. I had the privilege of knowing Bryce for 2 short years and in that time God used the circumstances in Bryce's life to change who I was and how I approached life. He had a deep rooted faith at a young age thanks to his parents and knew a lot about Jesus. This inspired me as a young high school student to take notes from Greg and Lori on how to raise children. During Bryce's 4 years of life almost two of them were spent receiving chemo and radiation for a Wilms tumor on his kidneys that would ultimately take his life. I being young and driven thought that things would just work out on a time line and Bryce's life along with his families would go back to normal. But after spending week after week with them it became clear that the Lord had a different plan. I had to learn to trust in the Lord for what he was doing and throw my plans out the window. See it became clear to me while watching Bryce and his family that life is precious, children are not a guarantee, and sometimes God's plan does not match ours.

But even in the time that the Lord's plan does not match ours we have to trust and obey. We have to ask God what he is doing and follow with out fight.

When I became pregnant with my second son we struggled with a name. Our first son was Judah and very careful thought had been put into his name, but for the second one we liked the name Zion. For no real reason just liked the name. But at about 4 months I was not content with Zion knowing without a doubt that I was going to have another boy. I wanted his name to be just as special as Judah's. So it seemed only right that he receive the name Bryce. A name that reminds me everyday what a gift our children are and how quickly our lives and change, and how God's plan is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. I am grateful everytime I remember Bryce that the Lord used such a special little boy to teach me about faith.