More than enough

It should come as no surprise to me that the greatest lessons in life come with a great deal of pain. Yet I still find myself wanting the wisdom of the lesson without the pain. Lately in life there have been a few curve balls that have frustrated me, annoyed me, saddened, and angered me. I find myself stirring in a sea of emotion just wanting to be done swimming!

I just want to pick up the phone and dial...but there would be no one there. I know in life I was blessed with a best friend who could listen to my irrationality and in her caring ways help me to realize I was being irrational. Or in my sadness help me to find the strength to move on. It has been over 2 years since I have been able to share my thoughts and emotions with her and yet the greatest emotion I continue to bare is the loss of her.

Today I realized the greatest lesson this far (and hopefully forever) in life, has and is dealing with life minus my best friend. I am thankful for my husband and the effort that he give to counsel but men and women just communicate differently. It is during these times I find it harder to rely on the one who can truly bring me through because I just want to talk to my best friend and He is the one who has her. So instead of surrendering to his comfort and wisdom I shove my emotions way down deep up till they explode like a coke can in the freezer.

I am beginning to see that it is a lot easier to be a cheerleader in life and let the Lord deal with the messy stuff then take it all on myself. The pain of loosing someone you care about is never leaves but sometimes I feel that is because we as simple people need a reminder of how we cannot rely on ourselves or even others to fix or feelings or situations. We have to rely on the one who created us with those emotions and feelings, and He still loves me in spite of my craziness. I am realizing more and more that the one who created this Giant yet tiny world, and holds it all in his hand does not need me to hold it up. No he just wants to hold my hand and be my best friend.

Lift up your heads, O you gates, be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory my come in. Psalm 24:7

4 years in a flash

When I think about what it was like 4 years ago sitting there for the first time holding my new born I think....if you only knew. I often think that our children enter this world with the same level of excitement and frustration they will bring us for the next several years. Judah began his entrance on June 16th and it was as if he just instantly decided he had was ready. He was three weeks early so of course by the time we went to the hospital, 12 hours later, I had a tempter of 103 and the only thing that was painful was my back. After 36 hours of pure back labor the doctor finally decided this first time mother could have a c-section. Then the amusement ride, They could not get the anaesthesia to work so there strapped me to the table and lifted the bed so it felt like I was standing on my head. Finally it work and out came Judah. Needless to say after all that excitement I passed out. I have often said that my birth story should be told to teenagers who think it might be "fun" to have a baby.

What a grand entrance! And Judah has been making grand entrances ever since. It is not often someone will meet Judah and not remember him the next time they see him. He loves to out smart us as parents and does a VERY good job at it. But he is always the first to tell you how nice you look. Or thank you for playing with him or taking him somewhere. He has an imagination that is out of this world and when he tells you a story you are entertained for hours. He may come off as very cold by the worlds he chooses at times or the looks he may give, but he has the biggest and most tender heart. He is a wonderful and caring big brother, and loves to sing.

My favorite thing about Judah is how often he makes me laugh and how lucky I feel when he curly up in my lap just because he wants to sit with me.

So if I could tell that new mother sitting there holding Judah with all her dreams for him, I would tell her this.... Hold on to him tight but never forget to let him fly. This little boy is going to teach you lesson you never thought possible and love you in such a way it will melt your heart to the point of tears. But don't waste a minute because the next four year are going to fly in the blink of an eye and before you know it you will be saying "Happy 4th Birthday Judah Christofer"

Bryce turned 2....

Well it is time for a way over due post. Our computer crashed about a week ago and that prevented me from being able to pay tribute to a very important little man in my life. On June 4th my youngest son Bryce turned 2. It was a day full of activity, slight drama over a gift, and lots of SUGAR. Bryce enjoys Thomas the train so we decided to have a Thomas party. It was nothing too crazy just some decorations and a cake. I was given some conductor hats for the kids and Bryce loved them so much that he wore it everyday for about a week after the party.

The extra week has also given me lots of time as a mother to reflect over his little life of 2 years. My children were both born at a busy time in life, the month of June. Being a Children's Director most of our summer activities happen in the month of June so even though I was due to have a c-section at 2pm on June 4, 2009, I still had to get through the week of Vacation Bible School. So on the Thursday of VBS I got dressed, packed up the car and headed to church where my husband and I opened up VBS as we had done the 3 days previous. Then at 11:00am we took our son Judah back to his great-grandparents, and headed to the hospital to check in. At 2pm they wheeled me in and at 2:19pm Bryce Aaron was born. He and I got to spend some very special time together the first hour of his life before I was taken to recovery and Bryce to the nursery.

The thing about Bryce that was present at birth was his love of music. He would hum day and night for about the first 3 months of his life. Even now today he loves music and is always humming "Thomas the Train" or "Bob the Builder" or church songs that he has learned. He loves Trains, books, soccer balls, and cars. Would spend all day outside if we let him. And LOVES to cuddle. He is just beginning to talk and play with his brother in a big boy way and looks up to his brother in all that he does. He loves his Woody or "Yee-Haw" as he calls him. Always wants to see his Ms. Turner or "Nita" as he calls her, and is always independent.

Bryce has an infectious smile and contagious laugh. A great sense of humor and extreme personality. I love watching the excitement on his face when his "Dada" comes home, and how he is always asking for Judah. I pray that as he grows that joy and excitement will turn to the Lord and the plans he has for Bryce's life. I pray more than anything that our son will grow in the Lord and follow him with his whole heart.

Thank you to all those who love our son and have invested time and prayers into his life. We are blessed to have Bryce and he is blessed to have all of you.