Great mnExpectations

I have found through out life that the greater the expectation I place on something or someone, the greater the disappointment in the end. At many times in life my expectations have left me frustrated, sad, angry, and confused. I would consider myself to be a very planned individual leaving little room for surprise. But when I have my expectations set, and am unable to meet them even in a single day I get mad.

As a coach's wife many days and nights are spent alone which means creating a pretty standard routine that does not involve daddy. And then when daddy is able to join us we make a big deal about it. I have found this helps the boys when they miss their Dad. Today on the way to church Judah my four year old, was upset because we went without his Daddy. "Where is my dad going mom?" "Well Judah Daddy had to help his friend Kevin." "I don't like it when my dad is gone mom." A conversation we have all to often during the sports season. But a conversation that allows for a teaching time as well. I explained to Judah that sometimes we have to do things for others because they are part of our family too. A concept that although simple is so complicated to a 4 year old.

But I find my reaction in life at times, is like that of Judah's who does not want his dad to be gone. I sometimes don't want to do the things that take effort or time away from my family. But the reality is then I am not teaching my sons anything about expectations. Judah has the expectation that his parents are just going to be there with him. When the reality is many times we will fail him and not be in the right place at the right time. He will have to learn to deal with disappointment. A lesson I am still learning at the age of 31. My expectations when limited bring me great joy. When my expectations are to high to reach I am generally disappointed. So it is my goal as a mom to teach my children to only have small expectations for themselves and others and great expectations as to what the Lord is going to do for them and with them.

When I open myself up and allow the Lord to lead and "surprise" me, I am always grateful. When I set my expectations before him and give very little room for change and adjustment I am always disappointed. I challenge you to back up on the great expectations of life and settle for the simple ones. They have the GREATER joy behind them....

New Beginnings

Sometimes new beginnings can come in the simplest of ways. You might change your hair or clothing style. You might diet and finally see those results. Or maybe it is as simple as moving your bedroom furniture around. And sometimes it is a much larger impact that might take some time to build so that we truly understand the magnitude of the new beginning. My day yesterday began with the simple new beginning, we decided to make room for our home office we would move our bedroom furniture around. After we were done I felt organized and proud of what we had accomplished. Truly satisfied with this simple new beginning have no idea what would happen by 7 pm that evening.

I have had two moments in my life where I have known that the Lord's answer and plan became clear to me. One happened in 1999 on the back of a houseboat and the other happened last night in my kitchen when I reflected on my day and realized God had brought me to a close in my grief and had begun a new chapter in my life. It was such a powerful moment that I sat and cried a while and through my tears managed to type these words:

Dear Erika,

2 years ago when you left this earth a big piece of me went with you. For the past 2 years I have muddled through the fog fighting my way back little by little for the sake of my family and the Glory of our Lord. There have been times when I have wished the Lord would return in a mighty way just so I did not have to experience my brain constantly spinning.

Then about a month ago the Lord answered my call for help by having Tyff pick up the phone and tell me about AdvoCare. Today for the first time in 2 years I see light at the end of the tunnel due to a little drink called Spark.

Although I still miss you in a big way I finally feel like I am going to be okay. I find myself in tears realizing that this journey of grief has finally come to an end.

Spark is such an interesting name because it really was just a little spark that helped me to finally grab on to that hand that has been trying to reach out to me for 2 years. I miss my firend more than my words will ever express but I know she would not want me to muddle through life. I am just thankful that God doesn't desire that for me either. A verse that Erika and I use to say a lot is so fitting for this very post because it was the very verse I read yesterday morning during my devotion...I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalms 40:1-2