A Man of Integrity

A man of integrity is Not always Popular.
Not always understood
Quickly criticized for standing his ground.
He turns his cheek when slapped.
Response with encouragement when faced with negativity.
Seeks out those others have left behind.

Sleeplessness enters his life out of the deep concerns he has for others and their success. Rarely taking into account the toll it has taken on Him. For a man of integrity is concerned about the welfare of others.

He can be seen as weak when he is unwilling to push others out of the way.

He is wise beyond his years and capable of more than others can see.

Most of all, even though he is unaware... A man if integrity is loved and respected by those who have the privileged of knowing him.

Chains

I learning that in life sometimes the chains that bind us are not the ones we would look at as chains. Sometimes it is things that seem to be bringing good, but in the reality of things are preventing us from going in the direction God is leading. I have recently been experiencing guilt over leaving my job that I know God has clearly called me out of. I find myself worrying that I may not be able to leave exactly the way I planned. It may not come with this 10 step programs of slow release but rather, may feel like ripping a band aid off.

Back in July of this past year I know God was working on stirring my heart to bring me home to my boys. I did not see a way for it to be possible but knew that was the desire of my heart. Then little by little He began to make it clear that I was GOING to have to be home for the sake of my oldest son. I finally said "okay Lord" and then...He made the way. It was not until I was finally ready to let go that He made it clear. It is so easy to want the Lord to be abundantly clear before agreeing to take the steps necessary. But the Lord is looking for our complete trust not just a sliver.

Now here we are at the end of this road and it is just about time for the transition into the life of a "work from home" stay at home mom. I have been preparing for almost 6 months but still feel unprepared to make that final break. To the point that it has become a chain in my life. I know in my heart of hearts that God has something big planned for us but the first part is letting go and breaking the chain of control. I want to feel in control of our finances and of where we are going but, if I do that I am not allowing God to direct our path, but rather I am saying "please bless this path and give a little input". Praise the Lord He doesn't work that way.

So today I am faced with the question, will I continue to execute my plan of transition? Or will I release my chains, ripe of the band aid, and watch the Lord do much more than I can imagine?

In the words of my boy's favorite movie right now..."May the Force be with us." (aka the Lord)

Unsettled Grace

For a few weeks now I have felt a stirring in my heart. This type of stirring always tells me God is preparing me for something. I like to try and reason with it just as everyone does, but sometimes it is what it is without any clarity. I truly tried to believe God was just preparing me to be home and the sacrifice that may mean. But then...this morning...it hit me like a tons of bricks. My husband looked at me during our devotional time and said "I think God is preparing us for something." No!!!! was the thought in my head. I had been so quiet not shared this feeling with him and now here he was voicing it and making it a reality. "I know and it scares me to death." Was my exact response. The minute he uttered those words all the anxious feelings welled up inside.

He then looked at me and said "why do you assume it is going to be bad?, Maybe God is preparing us to pay off debt, or for a blessing." It is true but in my mind I thought "He doesn't have to prepare me for the good, that doesn't scare me." But why is it cannot believe that God would just want to bless us? I will not be out of a job the end of this month and the reasons may simply be God needs obedience from me for a little longer until the next person is ready. I don't know, I think that too many times in life the soul preparation has prepared me for something less than ideal. Funny part is no matter the length of preparation I never react the right way.

What I do know is that the Lord could be preparing to bless us, it may come with some trail but in the end His grace and mercy will win out. Until then I pray for a settling in my heart that will allow me to be obedient and content in this time. You can also bet if it is only good and exciting changes I will be shouting it from the roof tops. But once again I am reminded no matter what is going on I need to be shouting from the roof tops because God is at work. His work and timing are perfect. Bless the Lord oh my soul. No matter peak or valley I will yet praise HIM.