Prayer for Judah

As a mom you never want to think that the choices you make will affect your child. You also do not want to entertain the thought that your child may be dealing with more than you can handle. When Judah was an infant he would cry and cry, actions that would lead other to believe he was colic, yet none of the actions to calm a colic baby worked for him.

As he grew into a toddler it became apparent that we were dealing with more than a strong personality, we had a child who was dealing with anxiety and control issues that would cause him to self-destruct on an emotional and somewhat physical level. When Judah was diagnosed with OCD there was a sense of relief, at least we knew what we were dealing with and now we could teach him to cope. The other side of that was the reality that Judah was not going to process like everyone else and there were things that would take a little longer for him to handle. Change was not his friend, but we are learning how to prepare for the difficulties change brings for Judah.

In hopes of helping him, we chose to homeschool Judah this past Fall. A process that was unfamiliar to me and would prove to be the wrong choice for both me as the teacher and Judah as the student. Early in Dec. Judah said to me "mom I want to go to school with other kids." A statement that some may have responded by saying "my child does not know what is best for him." But for me I felt I needed to respect Judah's wishes when he was young. I felt it would be less harmful for him to try school at this young age then to wait 4 years and REALLY want to go and then have to deal with the transition from homeschool to public school.

Well here we are 4 months into the schooling process and now we attending meeting as to what is best for Judah and is he academically ready to move on? The very thing I was trying to avoid by homeschooling has become our too real reality. As a mom I feel as if I have failed my child. I made a choice and Judah is paying the consequences. A choice that as parents we felt was best for him has turned out to be more harmful than good. Or is it? Maybe the Lord is teaching Judah to handle adversity at a young age that he may grow into a strong and skillful leader? Regardless the decision now falls back on Chris and I as parents to decide. As you can imagine I am slightly less confident in my ability to make the right decisions, as it was my decision that got us here in the first place.

I know that Judah deals with anxiety that other children do not. I know that his processing is far greater than most children his age, which will create some emotional frustration if the decision is to hold Judah back. I do not want him feeling like he is not good enough or there is something wrong with him. Judah is capable of functioning in the regular class setting, we just want to make sure he is going at the right pace.

I would just ask that if you are reading this you would join us in prayer for the next 24 hours as we prepare to make this decision. I know that the Lord already knows what is best, I just want to have open ears to hear from Him and not be convinced of something other than what He is saying. I would ask for prayer for the Administrators we are meeting with tomorrow. I would ask for confidence and strength for Chris and I. But most of all I would ask for prayer for our sweet boy who deserves only the best and who's future is really being discussed. I ask for prayer for Judah's heart. I ask that we handle this in such a way that regardless Judah will continue to go forward in confidence of who God has made him.

God of Logic?

Do you ever wonder why it is so easy to lose our great perspective? I do. All the time. I will have this amazing revelation of what the Lord is doing within myself, and in my family and be thrilled! Thrilled even when the current visual circumstances may seem bleak. I will push through and hold tight to my new gained perspective and then feel like I am running through a food fight. Every time I turn there seems to be something to duck from or brush off and keep running. I get discouraged wondering "Lord what happened I thought we were getting out of this valley!"

What I realize happens is that the minute we take a step of faith, or open our hearts and minds to listen and hear God's direction we begin to walk closer to Him, we begin to climb out of the valley, we are no longer distracted by the tall grass or noises we don't recognize. Rather we are focused one voice and one direction. It takes a while but eventually Satan who has had you distracted realizes he has lost his small grip and starts running towards us. He does not have the power over us that he claims so all he can do is start grabbing things are close and visual and start throwing them, in hopes to distract us again, wound us so we stop moving, or turn around and second guess what we heard. Most of the time we are just steps away from leaving the valley and beginning the climb to the mountain top.

God's aim is not to distract us. He is not a God confusion. But he is a God of risk. We must risk what we see and hold to what we have heard because in most situations it does not seem possible by our logical standards. The great encouragement here is that Jesus Christ was not possible by our logical standards. This very logical person has had to learn that God is not logical! He does not try to make sense our circumstances or personality. He does not say "These are the only things you are capable of." No He says "All things are possible with me." ALL THINGS. We are the ones who sell ourselves short and settle for what is easy to obtain instead of what we truly want. If you have a desire in your heart, stop looking for the logical opportunity that God is giving to obtain it and start looking at the impossible opportunity, it is there you will find the strength of the Lord.

I for one and tired of listen to a world that is not interested in my prosperity or salvation. This weekend we heard a sermon of being BOLD. A couple things that hit me where that doing something Bold is make a decision that will result in our loss of control in the outcome. Be strong and Courageous. Be Strong and Courageous, not weak and scared. God did not make a weak and scared person. He made us in His image, and to act in the example of Christ. Christ was Strong and Courageous making a Bold decision to die for us. Rest in His example a grab His hand. Walk with your head up and run after what God has for you. I'm going to. All though it seems scary and I know the adversity is coming.