A Blessing for the Giever's heart

If you have ever grieved the loss of a loved one, you know that there are times when you wish you could just talk to them. They were that one who helped you gain perspective. Helped you understand what you are feeling. Maybe they were the other half of your processing brain. If you could just talk to them you would feel so much better and then you remember, they are still gone...

But then you are blessed by the one who wrapped them in a robe and took them into paradise. Last night I was blessed. I did not consciously realize how much I was dealing with the confusion of feeling happy for the earthly blessing that have been given and at the same time grieving what was lost once again. My best friend, perspective giver, process helper left this earth 4yrs, and 5 months ago and just recently her widowed husband has been blessed with a new beginning and love. Although I am thankful for his courage to open his heart up and allow God to bless him and his boys with someone who will love them and walk beside them, I have been trying to understand how to help myself and others through this transition that was not supposed to be. When I say that I am talking about watching a husband, children, mother, sisters, and friends loose someone who wasn't supposed to go.

I have longed for that perspective gain. For that conversation to help me understand what to do, from that amazing woman of the Lord but she resides with Him and the phone does not reach. Yesterday I had such a great day. Blessed by many things. I went to sleep full and peaceful. It was in that peaceful rest that I feel like I was transported into a completely different place. All the main characters where there. All the raw feelings of the situation present. And then I walk out of a house and into a field and there was a beautiful pond. As I sat down I looked to the left and there she was. In jeans and a t-shirt. It was so very real. And I was not surprised, not startled, nope I just began to talk to her as I would if she were here.

"Erika what should I say, do? How do I help them understand when I don't understand? her response, "I am not here to love them Leah,so love them. I do not want them to be alone and hurting." I then just sat there with her as if I never wanted the moment to end. Next thing I know I am awake and staring at the little blessing of my son. Moments later I am listening to a song on Pandora called "The Robe" by Mercy River and the words just struck me:

"Now my broken body is fading fast. And like her I'm reaching for that robe, knowing you can make me whole. But if it's not meant to be that way. If I can't stay, then wrap me in that robe and hold me when I go.
If you call me home to you, please help those who love me understand, we are still held together by your hands. I'm reaching for that robe, knowing you can make me whole, but maybe in a different way"

Please hear my heart. I do not believe that I was transported anywhere, I do not believe that I was in heaven. I believe that God met me in my dreams. I believe He blessed me with a voice that I so long to hear everyday. I believe that one of the hardest things in life is living in joy and obedience when you realize the loss you have truly experienced. And understanding that this IS NOT THE END. I look at the lives effected by Erika's life and death and realize that we were blessed to know her so that we would have the strength to face the future without her. We just have to truly remember who she was. What was in her heart, how she loved and received each of us.

This is true for anyone who has lost. The blessing for the grieving heart was given to you before the grief. The memories, the love, the perspective, the example. All given to you by a Father who knew what you would loose. We don't grieve the things we did not love. The true plan and purpose for the lives of those we have lost comes to light through the way each of us share the blessing we have been given. We must chose to be thankful for the memories and look to the future for the plan. Last night I was reminded that I am to love those who are still here, as well as the new ones who have come to help heal the cut of loss and remind us that there is always a future until the day The Lord wraps us in that robe and takes us home.