As we enter each new school year I am always in awe of
parents who make the great effort to create a fun 1st day of school
picture. I often consider creating one myself but in our house often the first
day of school terrifies me as much if not more than my children. Truthfully I
relate to those small children whose faces are terrified of Santa Claus as
their parents force them to sit on his lap, that’s how I feel when I see the
school year approach.
For the past month I have been preparing Bryce as he was
about to enter school again 2 days a week. He was so excited about school and
could not see past that excitement for the reality of what 9-2:30 really looked
like. As one who had been down this road with him before I prepared. I prepared
for the tears, for the misunderstanding that not being called on in class does
not mean the teacher doesn’t like you. That it is okay if no one else’s
favorite color is red… Things that to the average 7 year would not seem like a
big deal but to out Bryce were the end of the world and lead to the words “I
want to go home!” by 10am… the bubble had burst and he was no longer excited
but rather annoyed that this day was not over.
On the other side of the table my guilt set in as I saw Judah’s school
day constantly interrupted but me popping in and out of teacher rescue mode, to
teacher. I wanted to go home! I wanted to cry like my 7 year old. How in the
world could I do this another 89 times!
I returned home yesterday with my balloon completely
deflated and just wanting a nap. The reality began to sink in that not only was
this the first day of year, it was a big fat reminder that my normal is not the
normal. And that my dreams of a 3 hour break once a week where I could do join
a bible study, get my haircut, or frolic through the tulips without children
would not be happening. I had my little pity party for about an hour and then as
I listened quietly I could hear laughter and squealing as my boys played
together down the hall. By the end of the day there was good reflection at the
dinner table as Bryce could recall a positive experience from his Social
Studies Class, and all Judah had to say about his day was how cool it was that
he did Math and Language Arts on the computer! As Chris looked at me with a
half “see I told you so smile” I began to realize that yes this was my reality
and yes it is hard but in the Lord’s timing it was going to be okay. We will concur
this Mountain one step at a time.
Life just never seems to go the way we plan so why do we
spend so much time focusing on the disappointment of the plan that was never intended
to be ours to begin with? I was reminded of this as I was reading my devotional
again this morning “We don’t always see the Lord’s whole plan or understand
what He is doing, but God’s plans are perfect and His timing is right. ~Shilo
Taylor
Without the struggle we would not understand the victories.
Without a lack of time I would not value the time I have. I would not trade the
opportunity to be there for my kids even though it comes with many challenges.
And although the first day of school is still scary for this mom, I know that
one day I will be a small success for the one who is climbing a much bigger
mountain in his little life than me. We will all make it, just thank God we are
not alone, and HIS strength is perfect.
